Mpango wa Kando: Every Wife’s Worst Nightmare
By: T. H. Waggach
I recently got divorced after ten years of marriage. One epidemic amongst Kenyan married men is the mpango wa kando fiascos that ensue. How does such a situation occur? Well, to be honest from what I have viewed over the years, the social lives of Kenyan married men can come back to haunt their families.
These married men envy their single male friends because they have so much freedom with their time. I got pregnant the day that I got married. I was a naïve 20 year old girl and my lack of experience ruined my life. In my case, my former husband who was seven years my senior, would disappear Friday or Saturday nights and come home intoxicated after 4 am or not at all. Being married with kids makes them feel bored so they party, drink and drive and have sex with women that they are friends with.
These same women see you all the time at parties or events and will even play with your kids. They have no shame because to them, they love the chase and the men love the attention. These women can vary in age so do not think that it is only the young girls that they seek out. Those women over 35 see married men as a great catch because they can purposely get pregnant, get rid of their lover’s wife and have the perfect ready made family by only producing one kid.
I have literally seen very attached men get lured in by women and end up having children out of wedlock and having to pay child support to their baby mama while begging their wives for another chance just to save their families.
Morality needs to become more of a focus for married men. My marriage ended because my husband’s social life meant more to him than my kids and I did. The lifestyle becomes an addiction and these girls will always look for ways to pounce when they smell blood in the water.
If one woman can benefit from my experience, then it is worth it to me to share my thoughts. I stayed married too long because I felt like I needed my husband for validation and I was a stay at home mom and we had three kids to feed and clothe and I could not afford to do it alone. One day, he finally made enough money to kick me to the curb and I ended up broke and alone. I feared being independent and now I regret so much of my life because the pain will always be there.
As a wife, I lacked self-esteem because of my husband’s behavior. He made me feel like nothing and justified his actions by saying he earned the money so he did not need to offer me any affection and I should be grateful for having a roof over my head. Even five months after my divorce, I feel ugly inside and out because of the emotional abuse I suffered because of his lifestyle choices.
Here is my advice, if you are married, have an open line of communication with your spouse. Use your intuition to try and keep your husband from straying. Respect each other, love each other and hopefully your family will never have to deal with a mpango wa kando situation. The family unit should be sacred these days and unfortunately it is not for so many. Hopefully, things can turn around so that children everywhere have the best home lives possible.